howwwzattt... of restless and being calm...

The song that captured my imagination and soothed my restless soul during my darkest moment. Somewhere Over The Rainbow/What A Wonderful World sung by the late Israel Kamakawiwo'ole and just with the sounds of ukulele in the background did took me to somewhere, somewhere where I belong...



Ooooo oooooo ohoohohoo
Ooooo ohooohoo oooohoo
Ooooo ohoohooo oohoooo
Oohooo oohoooho ooooho
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby ii ii iii
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops thats where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I? i iiii

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world (w)oohoorld

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I? I hiii ?

Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo
Ooooo oooooo oooooo...

howwwzattt... i am your much needed adversary...

I thought I was dead that night, already dead. Did not feel anything when I got up myself with the help of a friend from where I had fell. No pain, no blood and no broken parts in my inside. I was in a daze. The thought of I’m already dead becoming worse when a pakcik whose saw the incident told me that “saya ingat kamu dah takde tadi”, loosely translated that he too thought that I am a goner. It was just like a dream to me.

Half an hour before that fateful night, I was just relaxing myself with another 2 friends at his house while tweaking on my motorbike somewhere in Kampung Pinjih, near Pasir Puteh Ipoh. I’m not interested in what there are doing at particular moment which is enjoying their rounds of weeds. I can’t stand the effect which will make me going “stim bodoh”, a state of stupor which makes me feels that anytime the police will take me and put me inside the lockup. Yes, I felt that way with weeds.

After they had their affair with that thing, knowing that I had just fully modified my cubcai with a bigger bore for the CG125 piston, modified engine head, closed ratio clutch plates, TS125 carburettor and many more, they asked me to test it against their machine. At that time, a fully souped up cubcai could easily whizzed by an RXZ135 cc in a kilometre sprint race.

Eagerly I just agreed, I am sober not them so I thought.

The location was a dark stretch opposite where Tesco Jalan Pasir Puteh stood now. Side by side we were ready for the race and another guy would follow from behind to see how fast we would go. Off we went with the speedometer keep on climbing until no valid reading could be read and still our bikes keep on going side by side until a car came from the opposite way.

It was just enough for us to get past the oncoming car until my friend made a slightest movement for him to avoid the car side mirror and his handlebar hit mine. I remember went off flying and that was as far as I could remember.

I thought I was dead that night, already dead. Did not feel anything when I got up myself with the help of a friend from where I had fell. No pain, no blood and no broken parts in my inside. I was in a daze. The thought of I’m already dead becoming worse when a pakcik whose saw the incident told me that “saya ingat kamu dah takde tadi”, loosely translated that he too thought that I am a goner. It just likes a dream to me.

Pic: A year after that fateful night.

The car just went off without stopping probably telling himself that I deserved it. I didn’t go home that night, instead went to the clinic to get me fix.

That was the time the pain came, blood just started to oozed from every part of my body that went against the asphalt. The nurse just ripped off my jeans making it easier for her to do the dressing. It was the time when she tried to remove the loose bitumens and sands that got buried in my knuckles and knees that I went berserk to the point where my friends had to hold me down. It was so goddamn painful.

The scars on my shoulder, knees, knuckles and arm still remain to this very day to remind me of the good, the bad and the ugly heydays.

And a secret, sometimes I do feel sexy with all those scars. Don’t you feel so babehhhh? :-)

howwwzattt... of losing and acceptance...

Lost his cell phone last night and to think about it, he didn’t even know how he lost it. He never lost his phone before except for a time when he dropped it from the upper deck of a 747 onto the hangar floor an equivalent of a 2 storey building and smashed to pieces. Only the sim card survived that short encounter with the gravitational pull.

But last night was different, he actually lost it. It was not an expensive one only a Nokia E72 but he loves the phone so much and unknowingly he hopes those who found it would return it back to him. Tried to call his number but was diverted to the voicemail which mean somebody had found it and decided to keep the phone but not the sim card.

He wasn’t too sure if the phone was any good to its new owner since he had put 2 passwords for the phone to works but in this era of technology he doubted that will stay long before any Low Yat techies could crack his passkeys anyway.

He still hasn’t make up his mind whether to get the same replacement or a BB instead and whichever way he has to wait for the next pay check first... sigh...

howwwzattt... ahhhh... stop whining...

“Your battery had reached its usable life but it still can operates normally...”, that was the auto generated reminder which I always get when I turn on my notebook.

What seems to be an adequate 3 hours of power without scampering erratically for a power supply, slowly diminish less and less with the current supply from the battery could only last for about 28 minutes when it is fully charged.

Now it has become a habit for me to make sure whenever I bunk myself for a cuppa in a kopitiam, the power supply is within reach but sometimes I did failed when every seats, every tables or every stations were taken. It has become such a habit even the time the notebook was left behind, still I look for the power supply. Dang... now I’m a power supply stalker.

Well, this is life. Everything will come to an end. Even a non-living apparatus do have its shelf-life, pot-life, working-life and whatchamaycallit. A friend of mine told me that there is this extended battery that could stands for an 8 hours supply but it’ll cost over a thousand bucks. It was a bomb, at least it is for me.

Nah... For the time being let me stick with the remainder 28 minutes and a free supply of power from any power outlets until the next pay check.

No, I won’t buy the 8 hours extended battery pack. Just the normal one should be fine... I’ll be fine...

howwwzattt... a ballad of a troubled mind (and soul) - the beginning...

This is the beginning, his beginning.

Someone once said to him that the day the sun no longer shines, it was the day the moon too will stop beaming itself and he believes it. He believed the sunshine will always be there to give him guidance and leads him.

Since the moment he could remember, the mere mention of him could spell trouble, not just confine to himself but the people surrounding him too.

Now he is in his middle of his journey, the journey that was full of lessons for him to face the challenge that lies in front of him.

He should’ve keep a journal for all of his experiences, instead he just let it sinks deep inside him. He could sometimes feel that he begins to forget certain things and events, be it in the past or in the future. Especially when he got up in the morning.

He fears that he’ll lose his memories. He must protect it with all his might but will he remember it.

He must stay focus for he need to, he need it badly. He needs to stay afloat because there is one thing that he must do and feel before he leaves...

Quietly now while I turn a page
Act one is over without costume change
The principal would like to leave the stage
The crowd don’t understand...

-Rod Steward